When grace hurts.

the hill

His humanity asked if there was another way–if this cup could pass from Him–but His holiness knew this was the only way.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining brightly through the blinds of my bedroom window.  Birds were singing from the trees behind my house.  A neighbor was mowing her backyard for the first time this season.  The world was warm, beautiful, and full of energy for the day ahead.

I laid in my cocoon of a bed with my pup snoring by my side and begged for this to be any other day.  Could the world just pause for a moment in this perfectly joyful state before the pain and the darkness crept in?  The beauty of this morning stood in stark contrast to the wrath and darkness the afternoon would bring.

From a week spent among friends celebrating Him and praising Him to a day where He was betrayed, beaten, denied, and crucified.  From a week of light and joy to a day of darkness and deep sorrow.

My soul aches.  My heart breaks.

To know that I am the reason He had to endure such pain.

To know that He sacrificed His life so that I would never have to lose mine.

So much beauty and love in the presence of so much anguish and heartbreak.

This perfect grace He so freely gives by way of such a brutal and shadow filled moment in history.

To know that blood flowed from His brow and His side so that I could know true redemption.

There are no words that make that feel okay and justified.  There are no words that lift this veil of sorrow and grief from my heart.  There are no words to express how grateful I am to receive such grace through such selflessness and tragedy.

To know that i am loved so deeply that He would give His life for me.

To know the price of such perfect grace.

To know the pain that comes with it.

This is a day where I not only see my broken places, but I feel them.  This is a day where my hypocrisy is called out in the most humbling of ways.

I’m called to be His hands in the world–to be His love in the world.  Yet, it’s so easy for me to slip backwards and love only when it’s convenient or easy.  I’m called to love in such a way that I would give my life for another, but I’m scared and it’s hard and my humanity runs away from the scary and hard things.

That’s why I need Him.

That’s why I need the cross.

That’s why I need the blood.

That’s why I need the grace.

That’s why I need the pain.

His grace is shared in love, and it’s this love that’s so powerful it hurts.

My humanity asks if there is another way–if this cup could pass from me–and in His perfect act of love, He takes my place.


Author: angel[a]

I am a woman with a passion to explore, discover, and create. I currently work in higher education but also have a love for all things music, cooking, and baking. I write about an eclectic mix of things to include my faith, field of work, interests, life events, etc.

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